“When are you going to learn?” he scoffed at me. His facial expression explained his question better: “You see, I’ve been there and experienced it enough that I don’t want to go through that again and again and again.” He may not have said those words, but his expression told it all. He was talking about marriage.
That was my ex-husband’s question to me about three months after the death of my husband, Steve. Only seven years earlier had I buried my husband, Henry.
Yes, three husbands – two had died and one is an ex.
So when will I learn? A better question is: what am I to learn?
- Relationships don’t work?
- Love hurts?
- Nothing lasts forever?
- A wise man lives alone?
- Being lonely is better than being married to someone because then you won’t get hurt?
Today, these thoughts are running around in my mind because of a hurt I’m experiencing. It’s about a sweet little girl, named Gwen. She is an English Setter. That means she has those beautiful ‘feathers’ on her legs. They are really long wisps of fur. Her color is white with beautiful reddish markings and her eyes are almost green.
She’s a beauty. She belongs to my sister and brother-in-law.
Gwen has her own personality. We call her the Brownie Scout because she always has things to do – projects. Yet, she’s never quite advanced to Girl Scout. She really is a Brownie! Even has her own Brownie beanie to wear!
When I visit, the first thing she does is investigate my suitcase. Inspection is important to her. . . she needs to be sure that her investigation is complete before she can rest in knowing I hadn’t brought anything in that shouldn’t be there (or maybe there’s something she needs?). No telling what goes on in her mind!
Gwen isn’t allowed to sleep in bed. That is, unless I am visiting. Then she gets to sleep with me. We have a special relationship – a real bond. Well, now it’s about the past. Gwen had passed on after 11 ½ years.
I loved Gwen and she seemed to adore me. That’s why I cried yesterday.
And, that’s why I’m crying right now. I loved Gwen. We had a special relationship, as she did with my sister and brother-in-law.
It hurts that I’ll never see those sweet eyes again. She won’t be there to great me at the door. No more Gwen barks. No more.
Yes. It hurts.
“When will I learn?” he mocks.
Yes, loving and then loosing hurts.
When will I learn?
Why would I want to go through loss again? Why not keep a distance? Keep my guard up from anything that might tempt me to open up to what I know will cause hurt and pain?
But isn’t that self proclaimed prophecy? That’s another topic.
Why would I ever want to love again?
My answer is: because God made me in His love and so I can’t help myself!! Loving someone else (including animals) is more than a desire, it’s a need. I need to love because He loved me first.
Love requires a relationship.
Does Love hurt?
No, love doesn’t hurt. What does hurt is when love is replaced with hate, selfishness, pain. And it doesn’t have to be through death. If someone we love hurts us through words, unkindness, thoughtless acts, etc, we feel the wounds.
Wounds and sores – those are two results of non-love. They take time to heal into scars. Some scars disappear over time while others remain as reminders.
“When will you learn?
With boldness, I proclaim my answer: “NEVER!!”
I have faced many hurts and pain and wounds in my life, yet to never become vulnerable in a relationship that is designed by God would turn me into a miserable, lonely and hard-hearted person. The many hurts and pain and wounds in my life can not be healed by separating myself from others – including animals. I have to open myself to possible pain in order to live fully, and to grow in His love.
He loved me first!!
I’ve been pondering some words that were written by Solomon in Ecclesiastes 7. At first I wondered what he meant. After reading them over and over and looking back at the times I have hurt because of love, I am beginning to understand better what he wrote:
- 3 Sorrow is better than laughter,
For by a sad countenance the heart is made better.
4 The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning,
But the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.
In his few words, Solomon has better explained why it hurts to see Gwen gone, yet I would have never ever traded all the time I had with her.
And, I won’t stop!
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Ephesians 3:17-19
