Wednesday, November 18, 2009

David's prayer following his sin with Bethsheba

New Living Translation (NLT)

Psalm 32
A psalm of David.
1 Oh, what joy for those whose disobedience is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight!
2 Yes, what joy for those whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt, whose lives are lived in complete honesty!
3 When I refused to confess my sin, my body wasted away, and I groaned all day long.
4 Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me. My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.
Interlude
5 Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide my guilt. I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.” And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.

Interlude

6 Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment.
7 For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble. You surround me with songs of victory.

Interlude

8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.
9 Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.”
10 Many sorrows come to the wicked, but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord.
11 So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him! Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!

Blinded

Blind. Or blinded?
Sometimes I wonder why I can’t see what’s right in front of me.
Sometimes what looks safe turns out to be trouble.
Why can’t I see what’s really in front of me?
Am I gullible? Am I too trusting? Am I blind? Or maybe I don’t think further than the tip of my nose?

He came through the door with that smile on his face.
I knew him. I trusted him.
I had no reason not to be confident that he had my best interest at hand.
He tells me over and over how much he loves me, and I return those words with my own.

He came through the door and he cared for me.
He listened to me.
Just his presence made my day better. I worry that he will leave and never return. I worry all the time – probably because that’s always what has happened before.
Is that why I am blind? Blinded? Am I guided by my fears?

He helped me. He talked to me. He held me. He kissed me.
How did it happen? It seemed so innocent.
Then it began. Why is he letting me do this . . . and telling me to do what has been forbidden?

But that wasn’t him who came through the door. It was someone else.
If I had only known. Was I so blind? Or blinded?
Why didn’t I say, “No.”
Why didn’t I say ‘no’ to this stranger?

I didn’t see behind the mask.
I let him lead me.
He ‘knows best for me’ were my thoughts.
He will take care of me.
I am safe with him.

Then why are we doing what we repented for only the day before? Who is this?
Who am I, letting this happen?
Why aren’t I stopping?
Just a little more…
I know this is wrong.
Yet somehow in my distorted mind, I think this is how to show him my unconditional love.
My past losses have so confused reality.
So I am constantly seeking his love, even when I know it’s wrong.

Then I hear the words ‘harlot’ in my mind.
I know it’s wrong.
Now I condemn myself.

I’m setting up more wounds rather than healing past ones.

How do I know who is coming through the door and into my home?
I can’t.
But I need to know!
I need to be able to protect myself.
I can’t.
I don’t have the strength or ability.

God! Help me!!!

My home is sacred.
It has been blessed by my Father.
My body is sacred.
It has been blessed by my Father.
I must keep it clean.

But how?

The temptations are strong!!
The yearnings are great.
But is it worth it for a moment of pleasure?

We both struggle with this.
What is He teaching us?
We don’t want regrets.
We don’t want to look back and see what we lost because of a few moments of lust.
We don’t want that!!
We want to glorify Him!!

It’s up to me.
It doesn’t matter if I can’t see past the end of my nose.
I need to remember how great His Power and Love is!!
I need to remember how special I am to Him.
I need to love myself like He loves me.

I can be blind, I can be blinded.
But when I am strong in the Lord, that doesn’t matter.
He will take care of me.
He will keep trouble away.

And then, I’ll know that when he comes through my door with that smile on his face, it is really him and not someone I don’t know.

Please tell me this is true.
I’ve heard the warning.
I don’t want to be hurt.
Be strong in the Lord!!

I will wait.
I will wait for him.