Monday, June 28, 2010

Grace

In the "Christian" world I am part of, I often hear words like: grace - sinner - saved - lost. Those insider's cryptic words often cause irritation for 'outsiders' who hear them because the speakers fail to explain the context.

Oh, do I know - having been 'one of them' for most of my life.

One-word descriptions would flow from the mouths of people who seemed to know it all ... and they acted like know-it-alls!

Granted, some seemed very sincere, which bothered me because I wanted what they had. Peace, unexplainable joy.

Then there were the others. The judgmental, in-your-face, fear producing people who caused me to want to be any place they weren't.

Now, after over 13 years of being 'one of them', I continue to find words difficult to understand.
I cringe when I hear people calling others 'lost'. What does that mean to someone who doesn't understand Christian slang? Does that mean lost in love? Lost in the woods? Lost in time? Lost on my way somewhere?

On another note, the word 'grace' is a word I should understand. Yet when it involves my actions, I find myself full of wonder. Full of awe. Full of humility.

It happened again, two days ago.

I was performing a challenging task - grooming my fiancé's basset hound who was suffering from the summer's heat and humidity. It always hurts my back to groom and it was extremely hot. The fur was prickly and all over me, plus it was falling between the spaces on my deck to the deck below - and there were people sitting there!

I knew I had to shave her as quickly as possible. And she wanted just about none of this 'beauty' stuff!

To say the least, the longer it took, the more frustrated I was becoming.

As I was finishing the last few strokes, the neighbor girl appeared in the yard.
"Oh no!" I thought. "I can't deal with her right now." I still had to wash the dog, sweep up all her fur and go downstairs and clean up whatever had fallen there.

I was moaning from the heat, the pain and the exertion. The nine-year-old didn't notice ... her mind was on coming over to play with me. "What is she doing here! Why doesn't she just go away!!!?"

She followed me to the shoreline where I tried washing the dog, but too many waves were causing the water to be dirty and sandy. More frustration. I took her to the outside hose and sprayed her. She wasn't cooperating and trampled down some new plants (that weren't mine!).

There she was - the neighbor girl was STILL following me!! "Go away!" I was yelling in my head.

I swept the fur off my deck then opened my door to do the same below. Who was standing on the outside of my door?

Yes!!!

By now I was exhausted, frustrated, still hurting and not at all wanting to have conversation with a 9 year old! So I blurted out the most hateful words: "You are still here? Haven't you gotten the message yet?"

The only kind thing I did (besides being out of her life, poor child) was to look back at her as I walked by and said, "I'm sorry."

Great! What did that mean - I'm sorry -?

I not only hurt another person with mean words, but then in the same breath say I'm sorry???

When I returned, she was gone.

I had the rest of the afternoon and all evening to ponder and examine what I had just done to another person.

Oh, Lord, please forgive me! Why should you forgive me, Lord? What I did was mean and uncaring.

The more I thought about my actions, the less I wanted to think about them. My thoughts went towards: "I'm a good person, therefore what happened wasn't my fault." Yeah, right!! Let's face it, Deb, you really messed up. Here's a little girl you befriended two years ago. You have loved her when others haven't. You have given her a place to come where she knows she is safe. And now you've rubbed garbage in her face - just like all the rest!!!

What do you say about yourself now, Deb? Are you one of those Christians that shows grace and unexplainable joy? I don't think so.

The following day I knew I had to confront my sinful, mean actions by humbling myself to her. I waited all day, hoping she might pass by. Nope.

So about 7pm I walked down the street to her house. I had never been inside, but was invited in by her father who was working on his truck in the driveway. I was met very kindly by the girl's mother and grandmother. They called for her.

As soon as she saw me standing there, in her home, she came over and gave me a huge hug.

Oh Lord, I don't deserve this. I cried. I held her tight. I didnt' want to let go. Why is she hugging me when I was so mean to her?

It was then that I was able to 'give thanks in everything' as I reminded her what I did to her yesterday and then I asked for her forgiveness. I told her I was sorry for what I did.

Our Lord gave me the right words: "there is something I learned as an adult that I wish I had learned at your age. When I say something that hurts another person or when I do something that hurts another person, I must go and ask them for forgiveness. And that is what I am doing now. I hurt you and I am so sorry, will you forgive me?

I continued: "no matter how much someone loves you, they will always hurt you at times. But there is One who will never ever ever hurt you ... that is God!"

Her mother and grandmother were standing there, listening. I saw them nodding in agreement as I talked about God's love for her.

Now, I sit here writing about something I did that was so obviously in need of God's forgiveness. And this was when I knew without a doubt that the only way I can ever, ever see myself as one of those Christians who appear full of unexplainable joy is to know it happens only by God's Grace.

It's His Grace that brings me to Him. It's His Grace and everlasting love for all of us that caused Him to watch His Son die a horrible death for you, for me, for all!

There's no works that can bring me anywhere close to His Grace. It's all about Him! It's not about me or you or anyone!

His Grace is what gives us choices. Choices to follow Him, choices to teach about His love, choices to say mean things, choices to live life without Him.

It's all about His Grace!! His Love!!

I'm a nothing without His Grace.

His Grace is why His only Son was murdered, slain, beaten and was the ultimate sacrifice so that our sins be washed away in order for us to be a part of Him forever. It's by His Grace that I was saved from an eternal life apart from Him - a life of agony and pain forever and ever.

2 comments:

Harleybuzz said...

NICE.... I think we have all had one of those days. and you handled the out come much better then some.

"FAITH" said...

Deb I'm sure that little girl learned so much more from you that day than if it had been a day that you were in the best of moods. Isn't it so awesome that the Lord will open those doors for us to take a bad situation and use it to his glory. His Grace is such an Amazing thing, as undeserving as we all are, all we have to do is reach out and accept what he's given us. : ) Thanks so much for sharing this.